Tutoring relationships hit different

Tutoring is intense. One of the major benefits of high-impact tutoring is that it is intensive, with regular meetings and in very small groups. Most of our work at Community TEACH is done in one-on-one situations that are powerful precisely because of presence. Both the tutor and student are there together, in the thinking and the learning, each and every second of a session.

Tutoring also tends to be cyclical and moments of transition bring a lot of emotion. Over the last few months I've said goodbye or put on pause a set of students as the school year wrapped up, worked with an almost entirely new batch of students during the summer, and now I'm getting up to speed with students in the new school year, many of whom are new to me. Tutoring follows the rhythm of the school year and its goodbyes, hellos, and pauses.

Yet the depth and continuity of the relationships with tutors are often at another level compared to school-based educators. 

Tutoring is less strictly rule bound

As an employee of a school district or a university, I had to operate within a set of rules and liability concerns that created a certain level of formality. Rules, sometimes unwritten, include:

• Be wary of sharing personal information
• Never be alone with a student
• Don't talk to students about things that are too personal and never, ever, act like their friend
• Do not communicate with caregivers via text, only use the messaging system or stick to newsletters
• Never text a student
• Stay in your lane - focus on your subject matter and be intentional about cross-disciplinary learning. At least check in with teachers of those subjects before proceeding with caution
• Time on task is crucial, so don't allow tangents and don't give affordances for students' emotional status at any given time
• Don't provide food or snacks, or if you do, make sure it is defensibly nutritious
• Do not go "off campus" without extensive paperwork and permission

Most of these rules have solid reasoning behind them. And they are especially important when you are dealing with sprawling organizations that have lots of staff members and students, with significant funds (often publicly provided) at stake.

But unfortunately, inflexible implementation of these rules also has the potential to get in the way of relationships. 

Tutoring relationships are deep

As the director of a small organization, I get to meet every tutor and student who connect under our auspices. We are not bound by a set of rules designed to protect us in the worst case scenario. I don't need to worry about abstract possibilities of adults acting in bad faith. Yes, we need to be thoughtful and responsible, but we don't need to tie our hands unduly in the most important area of our work: the relationship with students.

A lot of these rules make no sense because of the nature of our engagement. For example, for an older student who is largely organizing their own schedule, we need to text with them to make logistical arrangements. Or for some students for whom the goal is general motivation and academic engagement, saying in a subject matter lane is unnecessarily limiting. 

More generally, since the one on one work that we do is so intensive, the barriers to personal connection tend to dissolve. If I'm spending large swaths of time hanging out in somebody's head, following their cognition almost literally from thought to thought, then it doesn't seem like such a big deal for them to share something that is important in their personal life. If one of us is having an off day, we are more likely to notice and to wonder what's up than if we are part of a larger group. The intensity of the learning goes hand in hand with personal closeness.

Tutoring relationships are sustained

The additional intensity of tutoring spills over into relationships with caregivers too. Again, there are the logistical pieces, as we arrange meeting times and, for private clients, billing. But there is also something different for a caregiver to know that their child is in the orbit of a singular adult for substantial amounts of time. 

The fact that tutoring can have such a huge impact brings a lot or responsibility. Caregivers can sense this and they want to keep an eye on it. As they see growth and good things happening with their child, they bond with tutors in a special way.

I find that even after formal tutoring arrangements end, I tend to stay in touch with both the caregivers and the students. In some cases this can serve official purposes - perhaps I'm participating in IEP team meetings or customizing a letter of recommendation. But often it is just to get updates, give encouragement, and maintain connection. 

This happens in school settings as well, of course. But the volume of new students can be overwhelming for educators in schools. There are relatively few students that they can truly bond with in the moment, much less keep on the radar over time.

Tutoring relationships are the gifts that keep giving

Families usually come to tutoring because they are seeking something different or in addition to what the formal school structure is offering. There is a selectivity that isn't always possible with schools. This selectivity starts things on the right foot and is only deepened due to the intensity of the work and the flexible free-flowing nature of the relationships. 

I feel honored to get to create and sustain relationships with my students and families.